Relationships

I’m Married, BYE!

Marriage, oh such a beautiful thing. I mean it is a beautiful thing to be invited to the weddings because of course that means free food, a few wine induced tears, more food. Maybe a new friend or fling because again, wine. The dancing and screaming that makes no sense but is so sensible at the time until you wake up and the voice is gone, hello regret. I love it all, I mean I have been to not so many weddings, 2 and I could only take wine in one of them, if I am not mistaken, the rest I have seen on twitter and instagram sooooooo. Not the point of this blog. Follow me.

WE NOT IN THE SAME SPACE ANYMORE..

MARRIED PEOPLE

I have friends who are married and I love each and every one of them, I celebrate them and their achievements. Let me take the time out to mention that I am not married. I was always told that married people can not be friends with single people, their worlds don’t match. Their stories don’t match and maybe just maybe our personalities just fade and refuse to match the moment one is married. I am unsure how it is that a wedding band and a marriage certificate and a human being bring about such drastic change in the social life of a woman to be specific. It is ok for men to have single friends, I forgot to mention. So it looks like there is some sort of virus that lives in single women  that can only be detected the moment one gets married. This entire thing vexes me to be honest.

Matter of fact why are our chats awkward?

I stay calling bullshit on this entire thing but here is the not so funny thing, I am feeling the drift between my married friends and I, which of course inspired this blog post. And I have tried to stay in touch, I am still me but somehow it feels like I am not enough or I don’t match up to their standard no more. I was thinking about it and I started to believe the one thing I call bullshit on, for a split second. I started to believe that I was not worth their time I mean they have babies (husbands) now. They definitely need to save their love for them and their strength for their married friends to talk about the stress their babies cause them because I wouldn’t possibly understand. Of course I wouldn’t, how would I when every man isn’t a baby, and I have not dated a single one. Please tell me you picked up the sarcasm there.  

Ok so maybe I will not understand why you cleaning up after a grown man when he has two whole hands but I will respect it. Why then can’t we have have a drink like we always have? Why can’t we plan a trip and have fun on it as always, I mean before. Matter of fact why are our chats awkward now? I almost can’t breathe, let me catch my breath.

Listen, I am no guru at this life thing but may you never turn your back on someone just like that. Do not just ghost on a person with not explanation, and most of all don’t be the person who does this marriage ghosting thing. If at any point you feel that you don’t love your friend enough to keep them around just tell them. Ghosting leaves them so scarred and confused, just talk. Many do not realize how emotionally taxing it is when someone you love ghosts on you. For whatever reason we do not like talking to one another and yet it is 2018, we can talk even when we are so far apart. Such ridiculousness. I get that our paths change, our mindsets change and so if you feel that is what is happening then communicate. It won’t make you enemies just people who used to be close, close the door in a manner that won’t have it squeaking so loud the next time you end up in the same room. Be sensitive with the next person’s time, heart and mind.  Ciao!


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6 Comments

  1. I can feel your pain from all the way here. I had to go through my posts and try and recall the post I once wrote on the subject so that I can share it with you.

    All I can tell you is that people move on. We’re in each others lives to serve a purpose and sometimes when that purpose is over the friendships or relationships end too. I doubt that it will be the intention of your friends to neglect you but it happens all the same. Not everyone will be brave enough to let you know that things have changed. However, you could try and be the bigger person and let them know how you feel and you go your separate ways, sucks I know…

    Let me know what you decide, it can’t be easy either way.

    You can check out the post I once wrote on the same subject here;
    https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2016/11/22/of-lobola-weddings-such/

    MaKupsy

    1. I will think about it. I will let you know.

  2. I have a few friends who’ve already become distant as they’re preparing for marriage. I feel like I’ve lost people I once shared everything with. You know all those juicy gossips you can’t wait to share with your friend but you can’t anymore because her reaction is not exciting so you hang back. Excuse me for venting on your blog ?. Anyway that’s how marriage is. Married people bond with other married people because they feel like us singles don’t hold the same values as they do. I’m slowly accepting this.

    1. I get you, I went with my issues to one married friend and she responded with ‘awwww sorry.’ I vowed never again, I am good with the rejection. So I guess its time to look for new single friends boo!! ???.. Hi, I’m Buhle and I’m singly unmarried?

      1. Hi Buhle ??

  3. […] If you can answer to any of these questions then today’s creative crush might just stir you up. See the thing about marriage is admit it or not it does change people.  We would like to lie to ourselves and say we will always be the same person once we get hitched but truth is just like seasons, people change.  I’m speaking from the single friends perspective…  Over the years I’ve lost a couple of friends to this marriage we speak of.  However, it’s not a bad thing at all, at first it really used to affect me but I realised that my friends have a new chapter in their lives.  Their priorities have taken a completely different turn and our get high or die trying days are over because love it or hate it, his or her partner is top priority now.  These were the very thoughts that crossed my mind the first time I read Nobuhle’s blog post; Trashed. […]

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