AFRICA: STORIES FROM HOME (DAY 4)

CHRONICLES OF AN AFRCAN CHILD

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Do you remember the first lie your parents ever told you? I do, it was ADULTS DON’T LIE. This was a lie that we were told after being told a lie that we called out. Only African children get where I am going with this right about now. If you argued the accuracy of that statement then the next thing you getting is a beating. Then this way you will never forget that adults do not lie child! I don’t know if I will duplicate these traits that seem to have been alive for quintillion years. Maybe I will just for the fun of it right, I mean I am the fruit of the tree. Might as well..

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Remember when visitors came over and they just loved on you so much they would give you some money for sweets before they left? Nothing much needed to be said because the side eye would scratch your shoulder real quick. And you know to take it straight to your safe and you would hear, ‘we will go buy tomorrow,’ LIES! Sometimes you didn’t even need to have been given by visitors, you be out here saving your pocket money. Then your momma be on some, ‘please lend me some cash I will pay you back,’ LIES! Dare you ask for that money, dare!

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‘WHOSE HOUSE YOU BEEN STAYING IN? WHO BEEN PAYING FOR THE WATER YOU DRINK? WHO FEEDS YOU? MATTER OF FACT SINCE WE KEEPING RECEIPTS WATCH ME BRING YOU A COUPLE OF BILLS YOU SILLY CHILD! YOU CHILDREN ARE SO UNGRATEFUL, HOW MUCH IS IT YOU EVEN ASKING FOR? HUH? ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE?’

*DO NOT ASK FOR THAT MONEY!!* 

If there was something you were failing to grasp in school and yet you knew the words to a song your singing life was meant to die immediately! How dare you know the words to a full song and not know the times table? Who do you think you are? This one time I thought I was impressing my dad, there I was singing, ‘bicycle, everybody ride it….’ Before I could reach the climax (which I can’t remember) there came the comment:

‘IF YOU COULD REMEMBER YOUR TIMES TABLE AS WELL AS YOU REMEMBER THE WORDS TO THIS NONSENSE WOULDN’T LIFE BE GREAT?’

He had the opportunity to see my God given talent right away but his old age self only saw a child wasting time. My vocal chords shut down right there and then. There was no way I was winning that argument, I took my L.

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Refuse to eat a certain food in the house in the name of you don’t like it then go to a friend’s house and eat it all up, this is an unforgivable crime. African child, do not do it. If you do tell your friend never to mention it because you might just be served this dish for a month for breakfast, lunch and supper. There is a vengeful spirit that lives in our parents that just doesn’t die down. When you apologize it just worsens the situation so you just don’t know what to do. But if you stand there with your head down you are still in trouble because you are not deaf! Neither are you dumb so you must speak. There really isn’t any winning! Above eating at a friend’s there is saying yes to food at a relatives after your parent has said no. Whhhhhuuuuuuu, dig your grave child!

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‘SO YOU DECIDED TO EMBARRASS ME? DID YOU NOT HEAR ME SAY NO? DID YOU NOT SEE ME SIGNAL YOU TO SAY NO? DO WE NOT HAVE FOOD IN THIS HOUSE? (opens pantry) WHAT IS THIS IN HERE, IS IT NOT FOOD? (opens fridge) TELL ME WHAT IS ALL THIS? (if you are unlucky there will be food on the stove) SIT DOWN AND EAT THIS, ALL OF IT NOW!’

The one thing I have not understood till today is why we got beat up for getting hurt. Like, listen, even if I disobeyed and then got hurt in the process is that not punishment enough? This one time mi was on my way home from school, I used a short cut that my mother had recommended. Which really was cutting my course short by using our neighbours place, enter front gate exit back gate enter back gate and I am home. Here I was following instructions then there was a snake, I promise that was God, because I didn’t run I froze. It froze in front of me, we were eye to eye for some time until it decided to skkkrrrrr and go on ahead. I ran home, crying already. I told her what happened, I got a beating. I’m sorry, what? You beating me for something I had no control over? Someone said this was cause she was afraid of losing me, it was out of love. *ROLLS EYES*

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We love our parents so much but we also don’t understand them.  I certainly don’t. Please share your experiences with me. Let’s have a laugh!