AFRICA : STORIES FROM HOME (DAY 14)

This right here has been such a big topic in my circles, it has broken friendships. Matter of fact anything to do with the church is a very tricky topic. We have been warned not to have sex before marriage in so many ways in our African homes and one that stays a topic in the church is that of soul ties.  I for one try so hard to stay away from these but a very good friend came forth and challenged me with this topic, S/O to Stringz.. So walk with me here..

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‘They were friends, real good friends yet being in the same place meant they did not want anyone sitting in between them. It was better when they were right next to each other, prayer felt good when they prayed together. It took one day of a long stare that led to a kiss, it felt right. It was as though their lips interlocked perfectly, meant to be. Netflix and chill at his house turned into kisses and caresses, none of them taking into consideration that in these moments dopamine was being produced. A dose of this intimacy was needed regularly for each of them to function, they were each others drug. Until it couldn’t be anymore, life separated them. The dose was a need so they searched for it elsewhere even then thoughts of each other never died. So in times when they were in the same space they overdosed forgetting about their new new’s. A cycle they didn’t know how to break even when they hurt each other the intimacy was never compromised. It did not make sense because they knew they couldn’t be, they were a mess together their bodies needed each other.’

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Sounds familiar? Forget the bible, forget the preacher who introduced this term to you. Let’s focus on science, our bodies do go through chemical reactions and the one chemical responsible for addiction is dopamine. It happens to be the very same one that leads to any sort of addiction out there. So change the term ‘soul tie’ and this will still exist, the need to be intimate with someone who might have hurt you so much. It is hard to let go, you may even find yourselves in a position of having sex just because. You will hate yourself for it hours later but in that moment your body got what it needed, a dose of that one drug. So why does the church talk about it with so much emotion and intensity? I guess because all they are trying to put across is that when God created us, it was for us to marry and procreate with ONE person. You know why? Because He knows about DOPAMINE! Notice that even those that get raped develop addictive behavior towards sex? A dose is a dose. Our bodies do not care much what it is we are doing to ourselves it wants what it wants. Well then feel free to call them dopamine ties from now on, you welcome!

‘In a brain that people love to describe as “awash with chemicals,” one chemical always seems to stand out. Dopamine: the molecule behind all our most sinful behaviors and secret cravings. Dopamine is loveDopamine is lustDopamine is adulteryDopamine is motivationDopamine is attentionDopamine is feminismDopamine is addiction.’ ~ Bethany Brookshire (www.slate.com)

But man the first time I was taught on soul ties I walked out thinking I had all sorts of demons dancing in me. Honestly that is all I heard. I heard that for every guy I have kissed I am carrying his demons too. Did I mention those of those he kissed or slept with before me, yep them too. Scariest thing I have ever heard  I kid you not. To be honest I am yet to understand the deeper spiritual end to this issue, as I am typing I remember another sermon that referred to soul ties as us carrying dead bodies. For fear of misquoting I will leave that alone.

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Here is the reality, any form of addiction is dangerous and harmful to us. Gambling addiction leaves you broke, drug addiction kills you, burger addiction gets you overweight. Sex addiction in itself is emotionally taxing before anything else, your skin crawls at the thought of how many people know you in and out. Many will never admit to this because its just sex right, easy to deny because we can not read your thoughts. It really is ugly when the emotions start to eat you from the inside and to shut them down you have sex. See that cycle? On top of that there is the issue of sexually transmitted diseases, a risk on its own that man don’t consider as much as pregnancy. This logic defies me but it is the very one we live with better sickness than a child, story for another day.. My point here is these cycles need to be broken, and we can’t break what we do not acknowledge. So until then, the cycle lives on.