‘I spoke to Prophetess Esther* today when I was at work. I was just explaining our situation to her and she told me to be patient and you will open up. She also said that you were meant t be my wife, she had seen it in the realm of the spirit. Who am I to fight against God’s will.’

The entire time I was there praying he was lying because a very big part of me hated the idea of being married. Imagine playing maid all your life? No! As a Christian when something like this is said to you it’s so easy to get confused and force yourself to believe that that’s your fate. Guess who took a shot at that, me! God is not a liar, right? But men, however…

As days passed I kept wondering if those words were true or not. I almost wanted to call Prophetess and ask if they had ever had this conversation. I couldn’t shake the feeling of a lie but I had no way of proving it so I struggled with it all. As I struggled my heart settled elsewhere.

The truth is I knew that this man would never, ever make me his but in his virtual company, I was happy. We talked a lot, we would flirt, I had butterflies in my tummy all over again. He blew up my phone, the first good morning literally came from him every day. He made me laugh and forget the ugly place I was in. That glimpse of happiness was perfect for me. It was absolutely wrong, I knew it but I didn’t stop it.

The door opens and there stood X at the door on a workday, in the morning with his workmate.

‘He isn’t well, he fell at work and we found him in his own pool of vomit.’

This was the beginning of the longest month of my life. Things got worse, I was the only person there with him as he got worse. His workplace refused to release his money, every dime I had went towards food and hospital bills. I was tired all the time, I would lose my temper at times, it was all too much. I rarely slept at night because he often needed attention and help.

I knew I had played my full part in his life after he recovered. I knew my time was up at this point. There was nothing more I could give him after this. I listened to him talk about how he would never forget me and repay me because of the fact that I stuck around at his worst. I already knew I wouldn’t be around for that celebration. I was drained, out of love and searching for the strength to leave.

In the mean time, the mystery man and I were obviously great friends. I opened up more to him and the advice was absolutely great. I was attracted more to his intelligence than anything else. The conversation was so much easier it was great until…

‘Do you really love me?’ X asked me.

See right there and then I knew he knew. He had picked up on it and I had to talk about it. For the first time in a very long time, we had a genuine conversation. The truth laid out, we spoke from our hearts and for the first time, he actually listened. There were no half-hearted responses or biblical quotes.

The reality, however, is that I had hurt him, I broke the trust and I also knew that there was absolutely no way of reversing that. I know he wanted to try but our ship had long sailed. There was nothing left, I think a part of him was afraid of being alone and so he told himself that somehow we could get past it. I also knew that the chances of my love for him awakening again were very low.