Shit obviously hit the fan that night and by the time we went to bed, the sheets were colder than you can imagine. In the morning he woke up to wash the dishes and clean up, it should have meant something to me. It didn’t. I didn’t care if he was going to wash the ceiling too, it was honestly none of my business as the maid.
I kept to myself, I was minding my own really trying to figure out how I would get out of this alive? But for every thought of running, the thought of staying made more sense. It was too late anyway. The sex was routine, I didn’t care much for it because I was fully and truly disconnected. So, touch me, don’t touch me I’m good over here. His voice broke the silence.
‘You have a manly heart, do you know that?’
I was not sure if I heard right. So I just looked at him with what I thought was a blank face, clearly not.
‘Yeah, you do. You are more a man than I am.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You are cold and you don’t really give a fuck on most days. Most women would be softer and appreciate certain things. But you, never.’
‘You see, that’s what I mean. Your heart is cold and hardstoned.’
I went back on my phone cause honestly I didn’t know what to say about stone-cold Nobuhle. Do I say thank you!? Do I get mad or just let it be!? Do I see a doctor for a heart exchange!? I had no idea what to do so I just left it alone.
‘We don’t talk anymore, what happened?’
In my head the first thing I said was, oh now you notice.
Honestly, it’s all I had. Because if you ask me I truly had no business talking to my boss about my personal matters. Wouldn’t that be crossing the line? I think it would.
‘Put your phone down, let’s talk for a change.’
‘Are you happy? Like, be honest. Are you happy?’
‘No, but it’s not like it matters really. People with manly hearts don’t deserve happiness do they?’
‘I didn’t mean it like that…’
‘Right.’ (throw in an eye roll)
As the conversation progressed I got more and more irritated, not by what he was saying but because I felt like he was wasting my time. I had much more fun conversations to get to on my phone. Honestly!!!
When I finally burst it’s because he kept throwing jabs at me and I started to remind him how little he made me feel with just his actions. I finally spoke on how his fake promises were just that fake, how he wanted to hide the fact that he believed my place was in the house or just next to him.
He apologized. But wait for it…
‘I never had a father figure to show me the way or to teach me how to love a woman. I just wing it and I am learning. I am sorry that I made you feel this way. I do love you, I truly do. Even my brother’s, they never showed me. Forgive me…’