Candle in front of many defocused candle flames creating a spiritual atmosphere and in remembrance of loved ones

Many of us have lost someone very close to us, if not everyone. That experience is a very difficult one to get past and deal with. We get up and continue with life because what choice do we have, but our minds never really stop going back to memories built with that person. Simple things could trigger thoughts about them, someone wearing their perfume or a joke you know they would have laughed at until they cried. I lost both my parents in the same year, one after the other. Tragic they say, I say emotionally draining. Do I have solutions, maybe and maybe not.

  1. JUST FEEL.. I hate it when people tell people in pain to block their feelings. When you block them you just pile them up somewhere in you and one day you are definitely going to self destruct. Feel it all in order to get past it, the sadness, the anger, the hopelessness and the heartbreak. Just feel it. There is no timeline to this tbh, some days will feel better than others that is a given.


YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST ORPHAN, IT IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT.

2. FIND AN OUTLET.. Jog, scream, write, sing, don’t eat because then you will just gain weight then hate yourself for gaining. See, when you feel, it is important to do something with the feelings, something that will help you. Again I say eating will not, I hope you hear me! Write a letter to the person, jog it off, cry it off, box it off, tweet it , talk it out in the mirror. Feeling and not letting it out is toxic.

3. BE CAUTIOUS ABOUT WHO YOU SHARE YOUR PAIN WITH.. I may seem to be silly for saying this but it is very important. I once expressed my loss to someone who said to me, ‘you are not the first orphan, it is not an achievement.’ Not everyone who smiles at us cares about our feelings and what we are going through. There are very few people who are not too busy to hear you these days and those are the ones that often check on you, weird right. Share with the genuine ones to avoid mounting the pain with the feelings of rejection.   

4. DO NOT FORGET TO LIVE. We trap ourselves by giving up on life and allowing the hurt to take over our lives. Wrong move, stay in for two maybe three days but too much is always a mistake. If you lose touch with your life, getting back to it will be difficult if not impossible because in abandoning life we open doors for addictive toxic behaviour to pass the time. The power of choice does not die with our loved ones. Be wise about it!

5. PRAY.. This is he hardest of them all. It should be easy but it isn’t because at this time we are questioning God. We are wondering why He didn’t hear our prayers and use His might to save our loved ones. Why He ignored the plans we had and chose to let them die, yet death is our final destination anyway. There is a calm that comes with prayer, I am not talking about that ‘by the book,’ prayer. Just say what you would have said to a friend, pretend God is sitting right across from you and pour your heart out. Give it a try!

I am sure by now you are wondering why this blog is titled Zero ways to deal with loss yet I just listed pointers, makes me kinda look ridiculous huh. Solid reason over here before you judge me, I do not think we get over loss completely. Their absence can never be filled so that gap lives on. What we deal with are our emotions, our pain, anger etc. We cope, we find our footing and just live but the loss itself forever exists. We find ourselves doing little things that our loved ones would have appreciated because their absence pushed us to fill that gap that would have made them smile. 

May their souls rest in Peace.

HEALING IS A PROCESS, TRUST YOURSELF ENOUGH TO GO THROUGH IT.

Thought after thought

Ciao

👋